Lingerie Troubles
by greenikat89
Summary: Oneshot: Leon's stuck working in Tifa's lingerie shop as punishment for wrecking her bar with Cloud one drunken night. Everything is pretty normal until a suspicious blonde woman walks in, and then things go from bad to worse, and then better. C/L


**Disclaimer: I don't own anything and make no money from it.**

A/N: I've had this forever in my scrap pile but only recently did I clean it up. It's just a silly little thing, but I thought perhaps someone might be interested in reading it. :)

Warnings: Profanity, suggestive situations, OOC, cross-dressing, crack.

* * *

Tifa chuckled and leaned against the counter as she eyed Leon. "Did anyone ever tell you that your face will stick like that if you keep scowling?" She raised her eyebrows in response to the fantastically dark glare sent her way by a surly brunet. "And stop acting so scary because you'll chase off my customers."

"Whatever," Leon muttered but dutifully smoothed out his expression with a long suffering sigh. A blonde woman in the corner of the room looked up at him from the racks and tittered to herself. Half her face was hidden by a lacey negligee on the rack from her bent over position, but he could still make out the vibrant blush peeking behind it. It made Leon want to die.

"Tifa, please remind me why I'm doing this again," he said. Because as so far as he could remember, being a sales associate at Tifa's _Fantasy Designs _specialty lingerie store was definitely not something he wanted to do. Ever. So it was beyond him why he was wearing the all black uniform and a pink apron with a similar pink measuring tape around his neck waiting to fit the next giggling, large breasted customer.

Tifa smirked and wiped down the glass counter at the service desk. "Because I've been short staffed and you're a good friend to fill in for me." He leveled her an unamused look. "You also owe me a favor when you ruined my bar during a drunken fight with Cloud," she answered flatly. "You're lucky I didn't break your knee caps for the damage done to my baby."

Oh. Right. Leon had hazy recollections of getting drunk with Cloud that had ended up in a full on bar room brawl over an offhand comment by one of the patrons. The brunet was willing to place bets that the easily possessive blond had something to do with it. Stupid Cloud. Leon still didn't understand why that meant _he _had to be the one to get back in Tifa's favor when Cloud was the one that started it. He always knew Tifa liked the other man better.

"How much longer do I have to do this?" he asked wearily. He could see a group of middle-aged women smiling and giggling to themselves through the huge shop window. They were the same group of women that had come by two days ago for a bra fitting where they _insisted _upon his service. He still had a sore ass from where Mrs. Hayesworth had pinched him with a cheeky grin and said to come see her later.

Tifa shrugged and straightened the pink peppermint and chocolate bar displays. "Until you earn back all the money it will take to restore my bar," she answered. "Cheer up Leon, you'll be out of here in no time with the way you're pulling in customers. My sales have tripled in the last week alone since I put you on the floor. You're making me rich."

Leon could almost see the dollar signs in her eyes as she rubbed her hands together. "Can't you find someone else to do this for you? I'm not even a woman." He was bordering dangerously close to whining and Leon glared hatefully at a buxom mannequin to vent his frustrations. Why did this kind of stuff always happen to him?

"Oh Leon," Tifa clucked sympathetically. She walked around the counter and patted her friend's cheek. It looked like he was trying to combust her Angel Wings lingerie line by sheer will power of his glare. "Women love seeing a gorgeous man attend to them and you're – in Yuffie's words – a hot piece of man candy." She quirked her lips in amusement at the faint, embarrassed blush the brunet was stoically trying to hide. "Most men would kill to see as many shirtless women as you do so enjoy it."

"Most men aren't gay either," Leon retorted and crossed his arms over his chest. It was definitely a pout now, and he was hard pressed to care at this point. Curse his weakness for helping his friends in need.

The door above the shop tingled when the group of women entered and Tifa smiled brightly at them. "Go do your job for that blonde that was in here and see if she needs any help. She just walked into the fitting rooms. And stop scowling." She shoved Leon towards the far corner near the dressing room before sailing over towards the group. Money signs were definitely in the air.

Leon grumbled something less than pleasant but more or less stalked over towards the fitting rooms. "Ma'am?" he asked and knocked on the changing room door. "Do you need any help?"

The woman cleared her voice. "Um, yes. I think I need a fitting." She gave a low giggle. "Would you mind coming in here? I'm too shy to stand in my, um… my uh…brassiere."

He rolled his eyes and tried not to frown too hard. Of course she did. That's what every woman wanted of him and Tifa was _clearly _not paying him enough to do his job. If one more middle-aged woman tried to feel him up he was quitting and making Cloud deal with it. He was better at interacting with women anyway. "Of course ma'am." He knocked on the door one more time to let her know he was coming in before using his keys to unlock it. "However, you should know that I could do a quick fitting with your clothes still—mpgh!"

Leon was shoved up against the full length glass mirror and kissed hard. He opened his mouth to object, and a tongue slipped inside while her hands grabbed his wrists in a surprisingly strong grip. It was probably the single most horrifying thing that had ever happened to him, and the worst part was that _he was getting turned on by it. _"Wait! Ma'am-mgmh—gay!" He twisted his head to the side and she nipped along his jaw that had the brunet shuddering when she found one of his sensitive spots. "I'm ah, I'm gay!" He was very close to having a fit that had him stumbling over his words.

Hot breath tickled his ear when the woman chuckled. "Shhh," she whispered and went to work flicking her tongue against the shell of his ear. "You don't want Tifa to know what we're going to do in here, do you?"

That. That was not a woman's voice. Leon was having a hard time keeping his thoughts together when she sucked his earlobe into her mouth to gently bite it. "What?" He tugged at his arms when she transferred his wrists into one hand to pin above his head. "What?" he asked again and felt a little like a parrot. He also felt something that was most definitely not part of a woman poking him in the abdomen.

The blonde pulled back to look at him with very familiar glowing blue eyes that were creased in mirth. "Hello Leon," Cloud purred. Leon could feel his mouth part open in shock, and the blond took the time to steal a kiss from him. "I thought you could use some perking up at work."

"_What?" _This was…this was not making any sense to Leon. Aside from the fact that he was immensely relieved the blond that was turning him on was Cloud, it didn't escape that fact that Cloud _was in a fucking dress. _"What are you wearing?" Even to Leon's limited fashion sense he could tell it was still the ugliest purple dress he had ever seen. There were white frilly things along the neckline and on the hem of the long sleeves and some type of large red sash around the waist. "Wait…no why are you wearing it?"

"It's a dress. I'm sure you've seen them a lot considering you work in a women's lingerie store," Cloud replied and smoothed a hand down his now somehow curvy body. It made Leon a little ill to look at. "And I'm wearing it so I can sneak in and see you."

"You look like a poorly dressed drag queen," Leon said flatly. There was no way Cloud could have passed himself off as a woman wearing combat boots, blonde pigtails, and a comically large bust that put Tifa's to shame. "Get out of here before Tifa sees us." He had calmed down considerably now that he wasn't out of his mind with horror at being molested by a "woman." His arousal, however, was still very much in place with Cloud stroking one hand up and down his sides. That would have to stop because Tifa would murder them if she caught them fooling around in her store.

Cloud smirked and batted outrageously long eyelashes in an exaggerated manner. "But Leon, I came all this way to be fitted by a big, strong man. You don't want me to tell Ms. Tifa you wouldn't do your job for a paying customer." Candy pink lips were pulled forward in a pout.

"What customer? You don't need a bra," Leon answered. Half his attention was trained towards listening to the front of the shop where he could hear Tifa still talking with her patrons. She could sense a sell like a bloodhound, and the last thing he wanted was for the woman to come back towards the fitting rooms.

The other man scoffed. "If I was going in disguise to see you at work then I was going all the way. I had Merlin create a spell for me. I thought he did a really good job on my breasts." He looked happy enough making them bounce under the tight purple dress when he wiggled his shoulders.

Any erection Leon may or may not have had was swiftly killed at the sight of bouncing balloon breasts. "Don't do that," he said and struggled out of Cloud's grip. He was going to have nightmares; he just knew it. "And let me out of this dressing room so I can get back to work."

"I don't think so," Cloud murmured and bent down to kiss Leon again. "You work too much-"

"That I'm only doing because you got me in trouble," Leon interrupted with a glare.

"-and so I'm doing what I came here to do in disguise to cheer you up and make some 'us' time," Cloud finished smoothly. He kissed the side of Leon's neck, making sure to nibble on the fluttering pulse point beneath delicate pale skin. "Come on, you know you enjoy this."

The brunet shivered and tightly clenched his hands together above his head. "Yeah, when you're dressed as a man," he muttered and bit back a moan when Cloud's hand skated down his body to cup him between his legs.

"This says otherwise," the man whispered hotly in his ear with a knowing smirk. Sharp teeth nibbled at Leon's earlobe to elicit soft little whimpers that sounded much louder in the small changing room.

Okay, well Leon could get used to the dress if Cloud was still doing that thing with his mouth. He moaned softly and tilted his head back against the mirror and unconsciously spread his legs. His wrists twisted against Cloud's tight grip in an effort to pull the man closer to him. All thoughts of professionalism had flown right out the window.

Yet some small little detail was niggling at the back of Leon's mind that made it hard for him to lose himself in Cloud's careful process to wind him up. "Cloud," he panted, pushing his body against the other for friction while the man slowly undressed him. "Did you ah-" a hot mouth nibbled on his earlobe "-um, mmm, Cloud d-did you remember to-" a knee slid between his thighs while clever fingers unbuttoned his pants "-nngh, to…"

Cloud chuckled and slipped his hand inside Leon's tight pants. "Relax kitten, you're thinking too hard," he chided teasingly.

Leon let out a strangled gasp and finally pulled free of Cloud's grip to clutch onto, thankfully, still broad shoulders. There was something really important he was supposed to remember, but the thought was slipping through his mind like sand. "But-" he broke off in another moan, head lolling around on his shoulder as he almost went completely boneless under Cloud's hand. He decided whatever he was trying to think couldn't be that important anyway.

Except as soon as he was getting into things Leon's eyes snapped open when he remembered exactly what was bothering him. "The door!" he choked out, looking over Cloud's shoulder to see the lock clearly not in place. It was at that precise moment Tifa yanked it open and looked like she was about to bring hellfire down upon them.

"Leon! Cloud!" she hissed and smacked both of them upside the head with her clipboard. The fact that she didn't look the least bit surprised to see Cloud in drag would have worried Leon a little bit if he wasn't so mortified. She grabbed Cloud's ear and dragged him off of Leon.

"Ow! Ow! Ow! Tifa, is that anyway to treat a customer of yours?" Cloud yelped and tried to shake the woman off of him.

Tifa gave him a cold glare. "No," she said evenly, her thunderous expression melting into one of consideration as she looked him up and down. "But that's only because mannequins don't have rights."

"What?" said Cloud.

"What?" Leon repeated, a blush furiously staining his cheeks while he hastily fixed his clothing.

The woman grinned sweetly at the pair and patted Cloud on the cheek. "Leon, I think you're right that Cloud should be working for me as well to help pay for the repairs to my bar. Get yourself in order and then I want both of you to report to my office." She gave Cloud one last searching look before shutting the door.

Twenty minutes later and Leon was back on the shop floor with a noticeably pleasant demeanor than earlier in the morning. "Well, you did say you wanted to cheer me up," Leon told Cloud with amusement as he straightened up a lingerie rack.

Cloud shot a thunderous expression at the gunblader and tried not to think murderous thoughts. "I meant the physical kind of cheering up, not _this._" He was standing on a platform in the middle of the shop wearing a silver baby doll trimmed with white marabou feathers. Tifa had redone his makeup and put a better blond wig on him and a pair of strappy silver high heels. He looked stupid, but apparently nobody else thought that by the amount of women (and men) practically eye molesting him. He yelped when another handsy customer pinched his ass.

"Hey!" Tifa called from the front of the shop. She was busy ringing up purchases from a long line of customers, each giggling and blushing while they held onto their Angel Wings collection that was being modeled by Cloud. "Mannequins don't talk. Get back into position. There's still another hour before closing."

Leon had to admit that Cloud did look pretty good on display. He heard Cloud grumbling, and watched the blond pose with one hand on a cocked hip and the other arm reaching out with a 'come hither' gesture. It made Cloud's artificially real breasts look sinfully provocative in the sheer, silver bra. And objectively, he could see the appeal of them from a straight man's point of view. However, he would be significantly grateful when the shop closed and he could take his boyfriend home. They did have some unfinished business after all.

Except this time, there wouldn't be any lingerie involved.


End file.
